


Addicted To Love

by ViceCaptain



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-05-25
Updated: 2012-05-25
Packaged: 2017-11-06 00:44:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,162
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/412837
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ViceCaptain/pseuds/ViceCaptain
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sherlock was exactly where John left him when he went out, he was thinking, so he probably hadn’t moved at all and maybe he talked to the empty room, in his trance estate. But they weren’t on a case so the fact was curious and a little disquieting. What could possibly on earth put him in that thoughtful mood if not a case?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Addicted To Love

**Author's Note:**

> Ok, this one is a bit of experimenting and well, I tried to write it directly in english, so maybe it works better than my other works, but I'm diverting, sorry. This is inspired by the song "Addicted to Love", which is from Robert Palmer, but I like the cover from [Florence and the Machine](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uS7vpGkro3U) better so I reccomend her version if you want a soundtrack while reading.

 

The lights are on, but you’re not home

Sherlock was exactly where John left him when he went out, he was thinking, so he probably hadn’t moved at all and maybe he talked to the empty room, in his trance estate. But they weren’t on a case so the fact was curious and a little disquieting. What could possibly on earth put him in that thoughtful mood if not a case? John took a seat in his armchair and looked intensely at him, maybe he could for once deduce the other, now that he was distracted. And facing the truth he liked very much look at him, especially from when he returned, he unveiled his faked death and John had a little time to be mad at him and then relieved and then totally in love. But he tried not to show it, maybe he could make the other run away, he didn’t want to be alone without him again. But now that he was staring in the distance of his huge mind, John could look at him with all the warm and the affection that normally he tried to hide.

Your mind is not your own

That was probably the first time that John saw him so lost in his mind without a case. So, there had to be something that put him in that estate and it had to be something near him. Something very important that could upset him so much, something he hadn’t thought of before but now it was so significant… Something that must have changed while he was away, destroying Moriarty’s web all over the world, leaving John to his sadness and solitude, for what he hated him and felt his missing, the empty he had left and John knew he needed him and quite possibly he loved him for so long but he couldn’t bring himself to face it. What if that was the same that had happened to Sherlock? What if he felt alone and empty too? What if he acknowledged his love now that he was back? Loving someone is a thing, maybe he was already loving John when he choose to fall, to disappear and then to return, but knowing it is something entirely different. So maybe he was trying to understand something he never knew, he never felt and he never faced before. Something totally extraneous to his mind had taken hold of his brain. He was maybe frightened too. And John knew that it had to do with his behaviour lately, because John was trying to hide everything he felt, was trying to keep some distance between them, he didn’t want to scare him with his love, but now it seemed it was his lack of love to scare Sherlock.

Your heart sweats, your body shakes

A startled noise came out John’s mouth when he realized and it made Sherlock stop thinking abruptly, he looked at John without saying a word, their eyes were the only thing that was talking, their bodies stilled and Sherlock might had tried to deduce John’s eyes and John might had tried to hide everything. But apparently none of them was able to deduce or to hide, because Sherlock was looking confused and it meant that he read something out of his stare, but he was also shaking because he was frightened and it meant he couldn’t read  John’s love. The silence kept stretching around them, broke only by their breaths. Something was happening right there, right in that moment. John had to do something, he knew it. He had to cast away Sherlock’s fear because seeing him so frightened hurt so much and now it was clear Sherlock loved him and John loved him and that was all so stupid it had to stop. John stood up and walked to Sherlock’s chair, he knelt and looked in his eyes once again. “don’t be scared. Stop shaking. I’m here and I love you too. I’m so sorry I didn’t see it before and I tried to hide my feelings. I didn’t want to push you away, I was trying to keep you closer” this and much more he tried to say with just his eyes. And then he was there… His mouth pressed against Sherlock’s mouth. His lips kissing Sherlock’s lips. It was a kind and tender, warm kiss.

  
Another kiss is what it takes

That kiss was the first, just an hint, a clue, to make Sherlock understand, to solve the mystery, it was the first from John and when they parted he waited with hope, fear, joy, his mind was blank, but he knew Sherlock would come closer and give him a kiss in response.  
John almost chuckled when Sherlock slid his hands in his hair and tugged him closer for another kiss.

 

You can’t sleep, you can’t eat

Nothing but kisses was all they gave each other that night. John didn’t want to rush and Sherlock… well, he apparently wasn’t done with all the thinking. But John was worried, he thought Sherlock got the right message, that he was able to explain what was there, between them. Instead Sherlock was silent, always thinking, he didn’t sleep and he didn’t eat and that would be normal if he was working on a case, but it was worrying instead because John was the reason of it. He sighed, the case wasn’t solved, he needed further investigation. It felt a bit strange John was the one deducing and Sherlock the one trying to understand how he was able to read him. Maybe Sherlock had yet to notice that John was a doctor and when a doctor analyzed someone he didn’t give up until he found what’s the problem and the solution to it. John, being an army doctor, had faced much more urgent situations than diagnosis but he learned how to and now he was playing in his field. Sherlock wasn’t regretting what happened the night before, he loved John and John knew, felt it when they kissed, Sherlock also knew that John loved him too. Or maybe not? Maybe he thought John was just trying or kidding. Could that be true? No, he knew as well, but he was insecure, he thought he wasn’t worth it and a part of him was still trying to convince him that he couldn’t feel love, that he was a machine. And suddenly John got it, what the problem was and the cure too.

There’s no doubt, you’re in deep

“There’s no doubt, you’re in deep” He said those words and Sherlock looked at him startled, John knew that was the time where he had to talk and Sherlock had just to listen. John got closer to him, his hands on the arms of the armchair, his face so close that he could kiss Sherlock with just a shift of his head. Now John was deducing him and he was right, Sherlock knew and opened his mouth, but nothing came out, so he closed it again.

You throat is tight, you can’t breathe

John was observing every little particular of him, his face, his breath, his eyes wide open and running all over John’s face, neck, mouth. He could find nothing to say, so he kept staring at John that felt a painful twist in his heart just watching him drown in all that chaos. Sherlock, always so confident, seemed on the edge of a crisis and John didn’t want to see him like that, he just wanted to show him his love, if he could let himself go just for a second.

Another kiss is all you need

So John kissed him again, to warm him, in such a reassuring way and Sherlock moaned against his mouth, his hands sank under his jumper searching his skin, John pulled him up against his body and they were standing in the living room, kissing and tasting and breathing one another. That was really enough to make Sherlock understand John loved him, for very long he loved him and he never knew, but now he understood so Sherlock had no need to fear. But something was still there, in those green blue grey eyes, doubt, maybe? No, it was that part of him that wanted to be a machine and that hadn’t realized yet. John grinned and Sherlock was surprised by it.

 

You like to think that you’re immune to the stuff, oh yeah

It’s closer to the truth to say you can’t get enough

You know you’re gonna face it, you’re addicted to love

So he spoke to Sherlock.  “you’re addicted to love, you can’t get enough. You like to think you’re immune to it, but the truth is that you want it and now that you have it you want more” John pulled him to the wall and stared at him through his eyelashes “I got it, Sherlock. Now it’s time that you understand it too”

 

You see the signs, but you can’t read

“you see the signs, but you can’t read. So I did it for you. I love you and you love me and it should be wonderful, but you are letting it consume you. If you just asked, if you just accepted it…” and then Sherlock spoke “I am not worth it”

You’re running at a different speed

John pressed himself closer taking his face in his hands “of course you’re worth it, you’re worth every little bit of it. If you can slow down, just for a second, and stop thinking like a running train… you would understand that you need it at least as much as I need it. Or maybe you need it even more and I have it… I have so much love that I want to give you.”

Your heart beats in double speed

John could feel Sherlock’s heartbeat underneath their clothes, so quick and powerful, John had spotted it, hadn’t him? Yes, of course he had. Sherlock’s eyes were melting, his breath became quicker, ragged. He was so exposed and John was there to see all his insides and cover them from everybody else. John, and no one else, was allowed to see and comprehend everything.

Another kiss and you’ll be mine

“another kiss and you’ll be mine” John whispered at Sherlock’s ear, that was a warning: he was going to kiss him again and then there would be no turning back for both of them. And Sherlock… Sherlock closed his eyes and let John kiss him. Because he wanted it, he needed it and he already couldn’t live without it. Sighing and moaning he slid to the floor and John followed him. He was half the way to make it clear… Because Sherlock wanted to be his, but he maybe wanted to be punished even more.

 

A one-track mind, you can’t be saved

John knew how Sherlock thought and there was no way to make him change his mind. Sherlock thought he deserved longing for John’s love and never get it, always starving himself and never comprehending that it made suffer who cared for him more than himself. Always pushing himself through some kind of atonement, never letting anybody know what he was going through. And if that made the people he cared about hate him it was alright, he could live with it.

Oblivion is all you crave

His penance was just that: self destruction. He knew he was human but that didn’t stop him trying to cut that part away and he could deny himself of everything just to be less human. Because humans were weak and he didn’t want any disadvantage, but John could see that putting everybody aside and trying to live without them was hurting him so much.

If there’s some left for you

But the things had to change. Made Sherlock change his mind was maybe impossible, but it didn’t stop John trying, everybody kept saying him to leave Sherlock alone, that being with him was dangerous, frustrating and unnerving, it was true, but he loved that man with burning passion. Everybody just gave up and said “you’re rude and I can’t understand you” and left him, but John wasn’t like them. He was going to try and try and try, until Sherlock would understand that he had something he couldn’t get rid of.

You don’t mind if you do

Sherlock couldn’t bring himself to care about most of the things that who lived around him cared about, but John didn’t mind if he wouldn’t care about the earth going around the sun or about gossip and scandals. But Sherlock did care about John and Mrs. Hudson and Lestrade and even Mycroft, he cared about so much, but he wasn’t capable to accept it and that was all John had to do: made him capable to. He knew he had a privileged position and he was determined to use it.

 

Whoa, you like to think that you're immune to the stuff, oh Yeah  
It's closer to the truth to say you can't get enough,  
You know you're gonna have to face it, you're addicted to love

John kissed him again and again and again, giving him all the warm and the love he was capable to and even more. Because he was saving Sherlock from himself, what he needed was love but he couldn’t see it, so John would make him see. His hands were running all over Sherlock’s body. Touching, squeezing and caressing. Their breaths were hot and ragged, their mouths couldn’t part. Then John took Sherlock’s hand and pulled him to stand “come with me” he said before guiding him to his bedroom, on his bed. “you don’t have to…” “are you going to speak to me only to say bullshit? Seriously, Sherlock, let yourself go” he started to open his shirt and then he kissed Sherlock again. He tugged to his trousers and Sherlock helped to get rid of them, when he was naked John took his time looking at him “you’re so beautiful. So beautiful. Why can’t you see?” his hands were caressing Sherlock’s skin sending goosebumps all over his body “how can you keep hurting something gorgeous like yourself?” John kissed all the pale skin he could reach, soothing. Sherlock sighed and caressed his head, then he pulled John up on top of him and asked “why do you care so much about me?” “because you’re worth it, because I need you and you need me and you are addicted to love. To my love. You’ve been foolish all this time, starving your heart and convincing your mind and I’ve been foolish too, not allowing myself to see and worrying that I could scare you. Am I scaring you?” “a bit” John narrowed his eyes trying to understand why, but quickly a smile quirked on Sherlock’s mouth releasing all the tension that lingered in his eyes “but in a good way” he said. Then Sherlock pulled John’s jumper over his head and tossed it to the floor, he touched his warm skin and smiled once again feeling John’s heartbeat “undress” he said softly and John did.

 

Might as well face it, you’re addicted to love

John was asked to touch, so he did. He was asked to kiss, to taste, to bite, so he did. He was asked to love and he answered he always did and always would do. He was asked to show it, so he did. He did embraced Sherlock so tight their bones were aching, he did pressed himself against the other so close they were already sweating. He did dug himself inside Sherlock so deep that both were breathless.  
And then he was asked to make Sherlock feel that he was still alive, so he did. He was asked harder, harder, faster, so he did, grunting, moaning and sweating. Quite possibly crying of joy.  
He was asked to make Sherlock shake with love, so he did. Giving all himself and much more, loving, loving, loving that beautiful and greedy man that couldn’t get enough of him, of John’s love, of them. Writhing, breathing, panting and moaning, more and more with every thrust of John’s hips, his fingers clawed John’s skin.  
And then John was asked to make Sherlock forget, so he did.

 

Your lights are on, but you’re not home

Sherlock was writhing and rocking beneath him, the heat was so high, his body so perfect, clenching around him and trying to suck him in. John was looking at his beautiful face, he was totally lost in pleasure and love and he was looking at John too, his mouth let escape a stream of sounds, so stunning John thought for a second he was dead and that was the heavens’ music. Sherlock was sinking in everything, in John, in his love. So far from everything else, he was overwhelmed.

Your will is not your own

Sherlock knew that he would let John bring him anywhere, everywhere. He would let John do whatever he liked. He was the one and only who could. As long as John loved and gave that love to him he could let himself be carried mindlessly. John was right, he carved for oblivion, but now it was different. While before he wanted to forget all the good and all the love, now he just wanted to forget all his mistakes, all his flaws, all the wounds. And John was the one and only capable to make him not remember. He simply asked him to and John obliged.

Your heart sweats, your teeth grind

John was trying to last but he was so close and Sherlock was close to. Sherlock’s face had always been beautiful, it had when he was lost in thought, it had when he sneered at the others, it had when he cried, when he laughed, when he screamed. But right then, so bright with pleasure while he murmured John’s name… then it was perfect. There was nothing John wouldn’t do for that man. Made him forget? Nothing easier. That was his last request… “John, make me forget, make me yours entirely. Give me all your love, give me everything”

Another kiss and you’ll be mine

John kept thrusting deeper and harder, he just said “another kiss and you’ll be mine” his voice rough with pleasure and Sherlock kissed and moaned in his mouth while John’s hand had started stroking him, right there, on that hot spot. And then both were arching and coming calling their names and their love. Everything else was forgotten. There were just they and their love.

 

Might as well face it, you’re addicted to love

“you know I’ll always want more” “and you know I’ll always give more” “yes, I know” “might as well face it, you’re addicted to love” “to your love… yes. So much it hurts, but it feels so good” “it’s not healthy” “what’s healthy? Healthy is boring. But it could be dangerous, nonetheless” “you promise?” “I promise”


End file.
